Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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