I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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