OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
