Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize