Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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