If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
