Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
