My friends, they love my intelligence
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
