Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
