so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
