adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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