You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize