dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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