Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
