He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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