i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
