Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
