now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize