girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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