You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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