The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
