We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
you made out with another girl for some wings
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
