Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
