I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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