Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
