Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize