I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
