I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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