I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
