No awkward lesbian experiences without me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't deserve a penis
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
