You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
