apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
