Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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