$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
