I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
