perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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