I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
