My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I love having hate sex.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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