If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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