I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize