New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
