i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
