At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
