we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
