you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
