Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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