I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize