Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
nut hugger
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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