FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize