He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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