i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
