ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
