Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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