Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
