did you get engaged???
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
