i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize