When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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