Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
