thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize