If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
that is very illegal...i love you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
