Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
