Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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