I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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