I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
