Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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