Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize