mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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