they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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