There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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