we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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