I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
