I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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