What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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