This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
