do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
