Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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