Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
