You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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