I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
