I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
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