just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
