I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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