dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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